Monday Morning Bus Stop Thoughts

You just never know when you’ll hear something that will change your perspective.  Mornings are quite the sprint for lack of a better metaphor before coffee kicks in.  Rachel was up lots in the night coughing and Dave and I did the…. “Who should call off” debate.  Rachel proved us both wrong and our tough little gal with a little of cough syrup said “I’m going – I’m not missing school today!”  Yeah, she IS my daughter

So we launched into hyperdrive with 30 minutes to go.  Lunch – clothes – SOCKs from the overflowing bin of socks waiting to be matched.  Backpack – sweatshirt – taming those curly locks.  We all piled into the car, said blessings and were off.

As my sweet babies boarded the bus (yes even my 11 year old is my baby), I stood with the other bus stop parents.  We watched 2 kids – older – probably 4th graders at least – pile out of a suburban with extra bags.  They were having trouble carrying all their stuff – an extra backpack between the 2 of them and some milk containers they kept dropping.  Please keep in mind we have a good 25+ kids at our bus stop – so boarding is a relatively slow process, much to the chagrin of the waiting morning commuters.

I turned to the other parents and we all lamented the poor kids juggling too much stuff and feeling the typical Monday blues a little more than usual with the loss of the Arizona Cardinals when one dad said… that is the little girl who’s mom had breast cancer.  Her mom died yesterday.   Yesterday.  Wow.  Our house was sad about the Cardinals losing.  How trite.  That little girl had spent the night with neighbors probably because her dad was with her mom or grieving or whatever happens when a spouse dies.  Her mom died.  She spent the day with neighbors.  No matter how long the battle of cancer – no matter how much she would have been prepared for the loss, the loss would leave a hole… always.

I watched the 2 kids get on the bus.  My own Monday morning chaos brought to a hault.  It shouldn’t be so hard to be a kid.  Once again I’m reminded no matter how hard we think our own journey is, there most likely is always someone else who needs us to be strong and offer support because their journey may be even harder.

No doubt that mom is in a better place today.  Cancer is a monster.  My hope is that her little girl will have lots of love – from people she knows and even from people she doesn’t.  Life is hard.  It just shouldn’t be that hard to be a kid.  Blessings on her.  Blessings on all of us on this Monday morning.

So… I’m still celebrating!

I just love the idea these little people were so excited I know 3 of my 4 were yelling O-BAMA up and down the streets on Tuesday afternoon – so loud I had to ask them to come in! I was afraid to think they might cause a street riot. My 5 year old daughter thinks “republican” is a bad word and I had to explain to her that it was just a word for someone with different political philosophies.

Then, on Wednesday morning, before school, I had to give the 3 a pep talk about being good winners. “How would you feel if Obama had lost?” I said. Think about that when you are talking with people who you know supported McCain. And, I reminded them of the honorable speech Senator McCain gave on Tuesday evening. I told them it can be very hard to be gracious when you accept defeat and I think McCain was incredibly honorable.

But… BACK TO CELEBRATING!

Thank you Moveon.org!

10 Things That Make Me Happy (Fall 2008)

Many thanks to random searches and finding “Within this Strange & Quickened Dust” blog, early this morning. I would encourage you to think of your list. I decided to copy her and make this my Fall 2008 edition since there are so many things I consider favorite I’ll reserve rights to do it again in the next season.

1. Cooler evenings and mornings…  Fall in Phoenix is finally here when it dips into the 70’s and 80’s overnight.
2. 101 Halloween Costume ideas from 5 year old Simon that started as soon as last Halloween was over.   Throughout the year Simon has tried on costumes from the box he uncovered in the garage.  As new characters would pass through his imagination, they were added to the list.  I’m excited to see what he actually will decide to be his final costume… as I write this he wants to be King Kong and take over a city.  I could have sworn last night it was Spiderman.
3. Fall Break… the 1st Quarter success marker that reminds us we can make it through the rest of the school year chaos with a little rest.  Nothing big planned.  Just being is the biggest item on the week ahead’s agenda.
4. My father-in-law’s 83rd birthday and my sister’s 37th birthday.  They share the same day.  They never celebrate together but I’m excited to have my sister and her family coming to visit in a couple weeks… no doubt cake will be involved.  And 83… holy cow!  I hope I am still walking every day, living in my own house, actively involved in the community, and in charge of my own life still at that age.  Incredible and amazing man
5. Halloween Parties and decorating for Fall on Second Life may sound silly to those who don’t know SL but SL is all about holidays.  Some of my favorite inventory items have been stored away for a year patiently waiting.  I know by the end of October I will be ready to run away screaming from the overload of costume parties but for now, I’m filled with anticipation of all the fun.
6. SPANKSGIVING! 2nd annual is yet to be planned but with fall in the air on SL… it is just a matter of time.  We have so many things to be spankful for stay tuned.  My NYC partner in crime will no doubt be full of great ideas on how to celebrate this one of a kind holiday.
7. Lower electric bills because we don’t need AIR CONDITIONING as much!  With the reprive in 100 degree temperatures, our house can finally start to cool off on its own.  We will most certainly find other things to spend those saved pennies on but it is nice to see the amount due lessen… for just a few months.
8. Sleeping under blankets!  I love snuggling up for a nap under a soft, fleecy blanket.  I love sleeping at night under my comforter and even a blanket.  This time of year finally lets me enjoy a night of sleep (good night of sleep? not with peewees in the bed) under cozy covers.
9. A big PBS event we will be hosting at the end of this month complete with 4 characters, picture taking, and booths and booths of fun activities for families.   The first event like this that I will have been involved with coordinating and bringing to fruition.  10/25 is dday for that – so don’t expect me to form complete coherant sentences that evening
10. A new office downtown with a shorter commute! We move in less than 2 weeks to a beautiful brand new, state-of-the-art facility in the heart of downtown.  I am so excited… I often think Weezie had nothing on us as I sing “Movin On Up” to myself.  We’ll be bidding farewell to the old hospital turned offices with roof rats and scary bugs.  We’ll be bidding farewell to free parking too.  But… I suppose that is all part of the cost we pay moving up.

I can’t wait to see what forms the items on your lists.  It really is the big and the small that make up who we are and remind us what is important in life.  I’m glad I can think of both big and small for my 10.  Truth be told, I could probably think of 20. Thank goodness I can do a list for winter!  Thank you fellow blogger for thinking this up!

Affection ~ Inclusion ~ Control

I’m embarking on a new RL challenge that has been serendipitous. I always love that – when you get the exact tool you need – unexpectedly. The new challenge is joining a Children’s Challenge Speakers Bureau for the United Way here in Arizona. It is something I will volunteer for – but something that can be done in conjunction with the other things I do for my job. Yes… one more plate to spin, one more ball to juggle, but… I felt like I have been blessed with the ability to speak to groups – and I have been more than blessed with healthy happy kids and I needed to speak out on behalf of those kids who struggle with just getting their basic needs met.

So… this speakers thing required 2 days of training. I met an amazing woman through the course of the training that I hope I will continue to build new professional bridges with. We both agreed there was a lot of potential. Her mantra was embedded heavily in the 3 days.

Affection ~ Inclusion ~ Control

She shared this with us because it is how she builds rapport with her audiences when she speaks.  She shared then numerous examples with us of how it can apply to day to day life – it could solve problems with 3 and 5 year olds, and it could solve problems with whole countries.  A very simple strategy – and one that I will try my best to practice.

 

1. Show Affection.  Tell people you care about them.  Smile.  Make eye contact.  Use body language that shows affection (not lovey-dovey – but accepting).
2. Remember Inclusion.  Allow everyone to be involved.  Allow everyone to offer their thoughts.  Solicit opinions.  Listen to those opinions.  Include all in the necessary dialogue.
3. Share Control.  Remember that in compromise control can be shared.  You can still achieve your goal, while acknowledging the needs and concerns of others, and allowing them to have control as well.

To make it a little more concrete I’ll share my example from an interaction with my 5 year old son.  Mornings at our house are a little crazy.  It is a race.  It is an adrenaline producing experience.  It definitely makes just the rush from caffeine seem mild  to say the least.  Anyway – Dave always does a great job in setting out the clothes for the kids so that by the time they get up – it is a no brainer – grab your clothes and put them on… move on to the next task.  

So… one morning this week after hearing this strategy… I had an incident cross my path immediately to practice.  Simon decided he preferred to wear some older shorts/overalls that were his favorite as a 3 and 4 year old.  Yes, they are cute. They were my favorite too.  They were designed to be baggy.  They were in the pile of clothes to donate to Goodwill.  In a squeeze, yes, unfortunately, they still “kinda” fit Simon  Simon decided THOSE were what he was going to wear. He needs help undoing the buckles to use the restroom – so I knew they really weren’t an option.

Simon was very upset about not being able to wear these overalls to school.  He was in tears and very angry.  I held him and talked quietly about how much I loved those overalls too.  We both agreed they were our favorite.  (hint: affection)

Then, Simon and I talked about some alternatives.  I agreed to not put them in the Goodwill pile and we brainstormed some times when he could wear them (at home, on the weekend,  even to sleep in if he wanted! LOL).  (hint: inclusion)

He agreed to wear his other shorts and decided he would put the overalls on as soon as he got home.  He was still sad but agreeable – and far from the headstrong temper tantrum mental state he had been in when we began  (hint: control).

NOW… mind you… this all took place in probably less than 5 minutes.  This was in no way a Dr. Phil show length activity.  Less than 5 minutes and we both felt good about the outcome.

Maybe we need to pass those 3 little words on in big and small ways to those around us, and to unexpected strangers that cross our path and may need a dose of that as well?

 

the little guy I love so much

By the way – once you take notice of this strategy – you will see it everywhere – non-examples abound – and you will see opportunities to put it to work yourself if you are brave enough to try

An important note to include I almost forgot…  One of the things this facilitator shared is that in the absence of this strategy – in the absence of affection – inclusion – control, passive- agreessive and downright defiance will always prevail.  

Good Morning Monday

The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills – overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk’s gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don’t kick it.
I promise I’ll fix it
Long about a million other things

Well, it’s ok. It’s so nice
It’s just another day in paradise
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Well, it’s two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Friday, you’re late
Guess we’ll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we’ll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes’ pizza in the candle light
Then we’ll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that’s overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it’s ok. It’s so nice.
It’s just another day in paradise.
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Well, it’s two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Well, it’s ok. It’s so nice.
It’s just another day in paradise.
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

For just another day in paradise
Well, it’s the kids screaming. The phone ringing
Just another day
Well, it’s Friday. You’re late
Oh yeah, it’s just another day in paradise

~Phil Vassar, Just Another Day In Paradise

If everyone can make it out the door, combed hair, nice clothes (picture day today for 3 of 4) and make the bus on time… and Dave make 1st hour… life is good, right? My youngest 3 waved happily as they climbed on the bus. My oldest said don’t worry mom, today will be a good Monday and shooed me away from the busstop. The ENT told me it must just be my blonde hair making me dizzy. So…We are off and running! Cheers to the first day of Fall and imagined cooler temperatures in Phoenix. Cheers to cancelled meetings and more time to get work done. It is ANOTHER DAY in paradise Half-full baby!

Things I Didn’t Realize!

Something We Should Investigate

Sometimes I just relish mornings where I can get to work and breathe deeply… having survived the chaos at home to make it to the serenity of my desk chair and actually finish complete thoughts. Then… I jump from one thing to the next – so excited about being kid free for the moment, crisis free for the moment, not a meeting scheduled in sight until the afternoon, and colleagues preoccupied other things – that I actually have TIME to blog and read my junk email that I enjoy. NOOOO get your minds out of the gutter – not THAT kind of junk email.. heehee.

This is awareness week for ADHD. Totally a catch all phrase and diagnosis in today’s times most definitely! However, having been someone who walked in a special educator’s shoes for 10 years and having been married to a special educator for 13 going on 14… and having my oldest who is 12 actually be diagnosed with learning disabilities – dysgraphia and dyslexia, as well as ADD (I don’t think he has the H in there too) I felt totally remiss to find this in my email today! Wow!!

Sure lots of things can be dietary and environmental. BUT – they can also be directly related to brain function and development and genetics. Zach, our 12 year old, had breath holding problems as a little guy. His breath holding wasn’t purposeful by any stretch. He would get upset and cry and then just not be able to catch his breath. He would turn blue. We would freak out with panic and worry. My mother in law actually taught us to blow softly in his face and it would snap him into taking a breath. Thank goodness for mothers’ in law with strategies that work!! It would work! However, one time, while he was at daycare, we were not so lucky. Zach, my sweet little man of 15 months, actually caused himself to pass out and then went into convulsions. The babysitter immediately called 911 and by the time everyone was there to rescue him – he was awake and breathing and fine. He probably was only not breathing for a few seconds – much less than a minute. However, it was horrifying for all of us – and we took him immediately to our pediatrician and were launched into a series of tests – MRIs, EEGs (is that the right initials?), etc for him to make sure he didn’t have a seizure disorder.

All was fine. Zach was healthy. He wasn’t found to have epilepsy or anything else wrong. Thank God! Our baby boy would be ok.

Fast forward to kindergarten and my mom and I were working with Zach on reading… easy kinds of things that involve “word stems”… you know where you look at -ig and add w to make wig, and p to make pig, and tw – to make twig. No matter how many of those we tried – the rhyming and everything, nothing ever clicked. We tried sounding things out and showing him how we were problem solving it and nothing clicked. This was over a period of weeks. In my special education teacher heart, I knew something was wrong. Dave and I pushed together for a diagnosis in 1st grade – and were told even that is uncommon and too early -BUT thankfully the school psychologist was young and new in his field and…. even did research on the breath holding. It CAN and DOES become connected with learning disabilities and ADD because of the oxygen deprivation to the brain.

Ok… I realize this is a super long post… and I had in no way meant to ellaborate this much…BUT my main message was meant to be this… DON’T believe everything the media says about ADHD/ADD. Take the time to learn more for yourself. Follow your gut instincts about your kids. Advocate for them. Zach today is a super successful reader – and working on grades that are almost all A’s and B’s. He has to work his BUTT off – and he does have to stay after for tutoring. He does need us to redirect him alot to stay focused – even on chores and stuff. BUT! Computer gaming? Learning games and videos on things he is interested in? Laser focus. Its now just his mom and dad we need to worry about staying focused and getting things done

I hope you take some time to explore this site, My ADHD. Com – and ADD Warehouse. Amazingly good books, and online resources – and even an online conference this weekend… hmmmmm Cheers to knowledge and good doctors, and teamwork and family as well as all the love and support it takes to get through things like this.

an ADHD roadmap... cool tool

Blog Candy or Food for Thought?

Its been a while since I dug up a Blog thing. I figured I was long overdue. With Joonie having retired her blog, I figured I should carry on the torch of self-reflection through Blog quizzes. This also is a way for me to double dog dare Joonie to blog again (heehee)

Ok.. these results are so me…. in my never-ending quest to find that secret suitcase of cash I am most certain is out there waiting for me.

Your Money Personality is Daredevil

You spend money like it’s Monopoly money. Who cares if you run out? Whenever you buy something, you don’t stop to think if you can afford it. Yes, you are generous with your money, but you are also very reckless. Better to give small presents now than rely on friends and family for a handout later. You tell yourself that you’ll spend today and save tomorrow… but you never end up saving. It’s time to start living beneath your means. Or else you are headed for a financial disaster.

What’s Your Money Personality?

Maybe I should just pretend this is how I am with my Lindens? Having 4 kids and a scary sized mortgage and car payments makes me run away screaming…. Eeeeeeeekkkkk. Please someone quick remind me money isn’t everything.

Guide to Getting Along

I trained this afternoon at a charter school – teachers primarily in grades K-6. Because one of our programs is designed for parents and people taking care of children at home, A Place of Our Own, I always include a handout from that broadcast program, and website. There are great workshops I can do that go along with the show… most recently I have conducted them on the topics of storytelling and conflict resolution. I’m digressing a bit but I wanted to give you the background and share why the handout was on my mind. I think it applies to everyone really – not just small children, and not just people working with small children. See what you think:

1. We think of every person is important in many diffent ways.
2. We are kind to each other.
3. We practice sharing together.
4. When we like someone,  we let them know.
5. We don’t act in ways that are hurtful to others just to get what we want.
6. We don’t make fun of, hurt or dislike another person because of how they look.
7. We work hard to do the best we can.
8. We respect other people, and their feelings.
9. We stand up for what we believe.
10. We are responsible for upholding all the rules.
11. Add your own:

~ KCET: A Place Of Our Own

I thought these were statements it never hurts to read over and over again – even if you aren’t working with little people. It seems these are just generally good guidelines to follow as a person of any age. I haven’t been “turning it over” enough recently. When I find myself getting worn down and running myself ragged mentally on the details, and not finding solutions despite all that extra energy expended, I know that’s my first step. My second step then is simply making sure I’m treating others how I would want to be treated. That list up above kinda covers all that.

I’m accused of being a pollyanna. Part of me takes great pride in that title. If you only knew what it takes to get out the door in the morning and not feel close to losing sanity, or to do the commute through Phoenix and not erupt into road rage, or work a long day with varied people who sometimes change their mind more often than not, you might be shocked that I am still pollyanna-ish at the end of the day.

I try really hard to get along, and to be a problem solver and solution finder. I always stress out when I can’t make all three of those happen. In that regard, I have to turn it over. Everyone will not always like me and that is ok. I will make mistakes and need to be forgiven for them, and that will be ok too. But at the end of the day… if you can remember that life is too short to not be kind, not consider the glass half full, not welcome people into your heart and really care about them, then maybe you should reconsider.

Now.. I am off to finish making spaghetti sauce since I’m actually home from work early enough to make dinner on a weeknight and maybe a whistle a happy working tune or something while I have the pigeons and the cockroaches help me clean up the house (joke)

If you need a boost take a quick watch of this

Belt it out Baby!

Some days driving to work is all about how loud you can turn up the music and how well you can sing along at the top of your lungs.  Being alone in the car is preferable  Tinted windows are encouraged.  BUT if you don’t have those options… just schedule accordingly.  Freeway drivers could care less what you are doing and what you look like.  As long as you are going fast and stay in the lanes.

So here was my playlist for today.  I started off with Matchbox 20…Exile on Mainstream was in my CD player.  “These Hard Times” had been my tune to park my car into the driveway last night so that came up first.  I figured I should check out the radio and did that next.  

The radio playlist went something like this:

• First Cut is the Deepest… Sheryl Crow 
• Shadow of the Day… Linkin Park
• Synchronicity II… The Police

And then… along came this song… and I just had to laugh out loud. It brought my personal song fest to a screeching halt. It made my frenetic radio changing sport take a time out.

The Toddler Song

 

The Toddler Song | Funny Jokes at JibJab

If you have had children or know children that are this age – it completely fits. OMG! Can there be something more reassuring than this song? You mean other people’s kids try these things too? And ALL ALONG I thought it was JUST ME!

Then… I returned to my songfest and focused my energy on whatever might come my way today – mean people included. Nothing can beat the Matchbox 20 song specifically dedicated to mean people. Nothing can beat Rob Thomas’ rationale for writing lyrics about being super pissed off but putting it to a happy tune. It is the perfect storm of a song. Can you hear the glockenspeil in the background even? LOL Here you go… here they are singing it live for you from Sydney, Australia. WOOT!

In a nutshell.. these are the perfect words to cloak yourself in when dealing with hate bombs:

Why don’t you just go away
I can’t seem to get my head straight
There’s so much I need to say
It could take all Day

Yeah but what you got, I don’t need it
I can’t listen to all your reasons
Wake up, I don’t feel it
I can’t listen to all your reasons

You’re bad mood just ties my hands
Turns my cartwheels into head stands
I’ve done everything I can
Gave All i had

Glass half full ALWAYS – but it never hurts to be fully armed. Stay safe out there on those roads. But, most importantly, belt it out. I find it is MUCH, MUCH cheaper than paying for therapy. Wrapping yourself in lyrics from Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas from beginning to end, and throwing a few old favorites in there, along with a good laugh or two… it most definitely starts the day off on the right foot. Cheers! (And… most importantly… tomorrow really really IS Friday, isn’t it?!!)

Sometimes it is worth reading the junk mail…

So back to work Tuesday like a Monday… something about a 4 day week ahead that makes it easier to get out of bed?  Something about getting husband and 4 kids out the door to their places for the day makes it easier to think about the day ahead?  Something about having my boss gone all week on vacation that makes the work week feel manageable? YES YES YES!

The pressure cooker of the last few weeks has released the steam.  This morning my youngest, Simon, bounded out of bed and with excitment said gleefully, “TODAY is a SCHOOL DAY!”  I quickly packaged all that excitement up to share with him each other day this week… just in case we have any melt downs in the forecast (cancel cancel).  My oldest got dressed, came downstairs, and promptly went back to sleep on the couch.  He tried to hide – but in a crazy house of 6 people all getting ready for the day – there really is no hiding.  He finished getting ready and in our quiet moments before leaving the house (he and I leave last together) he told me he was just so tired today and he didn’t know why.  Being 12, being 5′6″ and growing more each day, sleeping until 9:30 am at least on weekends, and then wishing he could stay up past 9:30 pm… gee… is it hard to wonder why he is tired?  Just typing that made me tired!

So… I get to work… and I find 2 exciting things in email. 1:  An email from an old college friend who I found on Linked In!  Woot!  He and I were co-chairs of the Honors Student Advisory Board (a.k.a. nerds) together and he is also a musician. (Like me knowing a musician would surprise you!?!)  Anyway… he has now been married for 18 years and outnumbers me in kids – SIX! But 2 are stepkids… not sure if that is a disclaimer or a sanity release?  He is a good guy and here is his music link to stuff he does here in the Valley… kinda fun! Gedalife. No… that isn’t a request of you, my faithful blog reader, it is his band link

Then.. my Tuesday email sorting continued and this horoscope jumped out at me. I love it. It fits. It is the way I feel. I love it when things confirm what is going on in your head. Sometimes I just love my junkmail from Beliefnet.com

Today’s Outlook: We’re more aware of others today and want to take their needs into consideration as we decide what to do. The Libra Moon helps us to remain objective as we try to understand our relationships. Nevertheless, we can already feel the pressure building from tomorrow’s conjunction between the Sun and karmic Saturn. The sooner we tie up loose ends, the better off we’ll be later on. There’s no escaping our responsibilities now and no reason to procrastinate.

Off to real work and maybe a little plurking on the side. Doesn’t that sound scandalous? Ok… I’ll just work. Keep my nose out of trouble. If you have time… please drop by the Bistro Olive Blog - Joonie has a new post and some pics there and I added a calendar. Love it when things really take off and the Bistro is definitely well on its way thanks to the amazing team effort. Hugs to all for a good day!