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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

Disclaimer: Not to be confused with issues the ex-NJ governor is facing with 3-ways, or Dave Letterman’s inability to understand 3-way light bulbs.

SOOOOO much of the music I like is what I heard someone describe as music by “chick bands.” I guess it falls in the category of “chick flicks.” Yup, I like those too. The songs that give you goosebumps and make you remember firsts – first dances, first kisses, first whatevers related to love, love, love. Silly, romantic me… I will ALWAYS love those kinds of songs. But, those songs are related to firsts. That is a really important distinction. (cough cough – this coming from the girl who LOVES Disney’s Enchanted and she and her daughter sing about finding “true love’s kiss” in “That’s How You’ll Know” LOL)

The other night Rob Thomas introduced “I’ll Believe You When” as a tune dedicated to married people. Everyone laughed. And, I listened very very closely. Remember from posts way back, I’m a lyric person 🙂 And in the midst of my concert craziness, I vowed to go back and think more about that song as I blast it in the serenity of my RL commute car. How right he was!!

…could write up in the sky
Forgive me I apologize
Still if I went through every measure
With my promise to be better
You’d say
I’ll believe you when

Don’t get me wrong – but anyone who is married knows how hard it is, and how rewarding it can be, and how amazingly life affirming and frightening it can be – all wrapped into one. It is WAY beyond the fall in love lyrics I croon over. I was so pleased to put pieces like this together (and please note again I am in the slow group for those of you who already figured this out – heehee).

So… in my new state of music listening mind… I have connected a couple songs to my RL married collection that really stand out. “Everything” by Alanis Morissette is also a perfect choice.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you’ve ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected.
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen
And you’ve never met anyone
Who’s as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

There are so many other lyrics I didn’t include here – go back and read the whole song – or watch it on the YouTube link above. She is an amazing writer. Talk about insight into the human condition!

Then, just to round out the trio nicely, there is a perfect Sarah McLachlin song, “Push.” I love this song. It emulates everything I hope to be and everything I hope I am in marriage. Marriage is hard. This song really speaks to my heart and was one I shared with D not too long ago to show him how thankful I was to have him around 🙂

There are times I can’t decide, when I can’t tell up from down.
You make me feel less crazy, when otherwise I’d drown.
But you pick me up & brush me off, and tell me I’m OK.
Sometimes that’s just what we need to get us through the day.

Again – I didn’t do the full song justice – so read the whole thing. I bet you will see yourself in her words.

If you are still reading this post and stuck with me through the whole thing, thank you 🙂 I’d love for you to share songs with me that strike you and speak to you. And, to those of my friends who are married, cheers to you and how hard you work at that committment, day in and day out. It is a complicated thing, but so rewarding, and like nothing else in life. It is a secret bond and an amazingly hard job all wrapped into one. But if you can make it work, it gives back over and over.

One other note I can’t close without sharing is about a couple they had on NBC’s Today Show this week. The couple was celebrating their 83rd wedding anniversary! They got married with Calvin Coolidge was president. They have great-great grandchildren. I can’t even imagine the incredible change they have experienced in their lifetimes. There is definitely something to be said about having the resilience to stay with someone that long and have someone know you inside and out that well. I would think they probably don’t even have to talk anymore and just read each other’s thoughts. 83 years. WHEW!


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