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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

Monthly Archives: July 2008

Wow… a double header (when you are old like me a double header is one night followed by the next night) of intense fun, amazing experiences, and incredible music. NOTE: I’m saving my artistic admiration of Misprint Thursday and her Olive Art exhibit for the Bistro Blog. Music… back to the music… it ALWAYS does my soul good. And, yes, I get little crushes then on the musicians. How can you not?

I’ll start with a new SL find I think is amazing… CQ Bravin. CQ is relatively new to SL but not new to music. He has simply found SL to be a great forum to perform. I am glad he thinks so because his contributions are incredible. His original selections combine his acoustical guitar with incredibly woven lyrics and melodies. He is of the genre known as “Indie Folk Rock” and calls himself “The Colorful Quiet.” His contributions in Second Life are equally incredible. You can find a video shot at another club (unfortunately -why didn’t I think of doing this!!) but nonetheless it gives you some reference of how amazing he is. Take a watch.

Sorry CQ… didn’t mean to get the microphone right in your face. We will have you back and I will get better shots – promise!! πŸ™‚ onward now to other crush information … and a cup of coffee should help me power out the rest of this post…

Hours later… I return… sorry about that!

The other crush? Well… none other than the amazingly handsome and fantastically talented Mr. John Mayer. I decided last night… as I sweated and sweated (ok … really I glowed right? isn’t that what girls do?) that I am officially a Phoenician again. My 4th summer now in Phoenix after living in Flagstaff all those years… I’ve adjusted, acclimatised or whatever else you call it. I can sit, dance, rock out, soak in all those fantastic things you do at an outdoor concert in JULY in PHOENIX. WOOT! 115 degrees? NO PROBLEM. Ok.. not really.. that’s a lie… there was a breeze and the sun was going down… so it was probably only 105 πŸ™‚

Anyway… John Mayer was the main attraction. Colbie Cailliat was the warm up. There was another artist before her I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t remember his name. I hate to not recognize all the musicians. He sounded a lot like Paul Simon. Colbie was great. Very cute, almost shy on stage. She told a sweet story about taking an acting class to get over her fear of performing. She shared she didn’t realize when she started writing songs that she would eventually have to perform them live for people! And her “Bubbly” song – she wrote that 1 night using the 4 chords she had just learned from a friend on the guitar. Gotta love the humanness of it all πŸ™‚

But John Mayer was beyond words. Incredibly talented. Gorgeous even with short short hair. Beautiful to look at and listen to. His voice, his music. Wow. He too talked about the heat. He said the heat put him in a frame of mind for blues. Can that guy jam! He wondered aloud how Guns n Roses ever handled the heat and then proceeded to do a fantastic Sweet Child of Mine version in which he sang a line to Jen… *sigh*. He thanked the audience for being so accepting of his craft and for being willing to enjoy whatever he offered us. He commented how cool it was that he could experiment with something that day earlier with the band and it could evolve into something on the stage that night. He called it “organic.” Honestly, I’m sure there were a few of us who could have stayed a few more hours. Thank you Mr. Mayer. My soul is a little lighter today… tired… but lighter in a good way.

Staying up late tonight I did some blog wandering that is way overdue. I ran across Bab’s blog and it got me into trouble. Frankly, these results frighten me. Perhaps it was high time I stared deeply into the abyss… could this really be me? LOL!

You Are A Vampire


You have a real thirst for bliss (this can’t be referring to Blissie – can it? LOL), and you consider yourself a true hedonist.

And you’re not afraid to walk alone in life, if it means getting what you truly crave. (borrowing a song from Bigd’s repertoir, “I walk alone”)

You truly enjoy entrancing people. Not to mention the ensuing pleasures of the flesh. (have you seen the clothes Aeryn has me wearing these days?)

Your tastes have been called decadent and bizarre. You usually give in to your temptations, no matter how primal (mmmmmmmmmmm ice cream! mmmm chocolate!)

Your greatest power: Your flawless ability to seduce and charm

Your greatest weakness: Human flesh

You play well with: Werewolves (do I know any werewolves?)

OK… so then… I set off to find out what Liss had to say. I haven’t visited her blog in a while either. Good Lord! Check out these results!


Your Hillbilly Name Is…


Molly Sue Houston

Thank goodness I kept reading though… Liss had one other that redeemed me so I could rest easy… this one sounds most like me! WHEW!


You Are Fun Sexy


You’re funny, quirky, cute, and sassy.

Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy.

You’ve got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through.

Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

Sometimes you can find enjoyment in new beginnings when there is no longer excitement and passion in the same ol’ same ol’. Recently, Bigd and I went on a renting rampage within SL on Marco Island. We had just moved a little over a month ago and had a housewarming. Things were settled and the new place is just how we like it. For now, I can’t think of any more things to buy for Tortuga Isle… but give it time πŸ˜‰

So… where to next? Why not a business? Marco Island is being managed now by Jenda Starbrook and there were several open shops and 2 story apartments. One particular spot on the end offered 3 stories by combining the shop and the apartment floors. We hemmed and haaaahed and asked several for their opinion. We had Jenda come over and talk about knocking out walls if we just stuck to 1 floor. Then, we took the plunge and rented all 3! The idea was to create something new and different within the SL communities we currently hang out and enjoy. The idea was to offer another reason to come to Marco Island and help traffic to the surrounding businesses. We figured it also couldn’t hurt to help Jenda out and rent a spot or two.

Art. A great reason to enjoy SL. Music another great reason to enjoy SL. Fun non-caloric food and beverage of all kinds – how can you NOT enjoy that in SL! So the idea was born: a fine art, fine dining experience. Borday Moo and Blissie Boucher kicked around names with us all afternoon after the idea had been refined some through conversations with Parker and Joonie. We definitely didn’t want to run a club scene nightly. We wanted a nice place to hang out. We wanted a place and a reason to host special events. We wanted to offer something unique to the world of SL. Some wonderful table creations from “IntimateLife – Frisky Designs For The Romantic” also helped carve out the niche. (don’t you worry – they are PG) These tables are the kind where you sit, choose your place setting, choose the ambiance, and the menu from meals to beverages. The couch in the bar/lounge level holds some wonderful abilities for large groups to laugh and pose for pictures. Holding 9 with a hidden 10th spot, the challenge seems to be in finding willing participants!

We hope Bistro Olive will become a place for people to enjoy time with good friends. We also hope people will make the place somewhere for special celebrations. The main dining room on the top level offers exquisite views of the ocean and the grounds of Marco Island, as well as the Savoy Jazz Club. There are some special spots to toast or cuddle the one you love. There is room for dancing and places for enjoying drinks with friends. The gallery will feature all sorts of art on the ground floor for purchase.

I am so excited about Misprint Thursday and her artistry! She has agreed to be our debut featured resident artist and has done amazing things. If nothing else, stopping by in a free moment to visit the Bistro and see her work before it is gone will be well worth your while. She has created one-of-a-kind sculptures and interactive art that are displayed on all 3 levels. We will honor her work in a special Grand Opening Reception on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm SLT! SL/RL musician CQ Bravin will be there to perform acoustical guitar/coffee-house rock style music from 8:30 – 9:30 pm SLT. He is also one to not be missed!

PLEASE consider yourself invited and mark your calendars to come! We are looking forward to all that is ahead with this new adventure and appreciate everyone’s participation and openness and willingness to help. If you know of an artist who we should contact to be on our calendar of featured artists at Bistro Olive, please send me a note in-world or an email. If you know of a musical performer who would be a fantastic compliment to a featured artist reception at Bistro Olive, please also contact us! Bigd Flanagan or I will be on the look-out for both over the next few months. We hope to offer new artists every 2-3 weeks, and the opportunity to have a reception event as well during their showing.

Thank you in advance for supporting our endeavor. Woot!

Life has a funny way of surprising you. The unexpected happens and it can make you shake and scratch your head in some ways wondering how it all came about. I stared back at myself in the mirror today… closely examining the little lines starting to form around my eyes and my mouth – my laugh lines as my mom would say. I looked at my hair and wished for a haircut. I looked at my body and wished for a personal trainer and a quick trip to Thailand for a few enhancements (LOL!). Age kinda catches up with you. One day your mom’s hand just appears out of your sleeve and you are going… where did that come from.

Then, in an instant, we can be transported back to feelings and thoughts that we had almost 20 years ago and wonder how those memories can be so real when things have changed so much and I have become a totally different (hopefully improved) person since then.

I took a path almost 20 years ago that I was afraid to go down. I was in a really serious relationship -really my first love – and he told me we were destined to go separate ways – at least for a while. We were sitting at the top of the amazing Peaks I was just at with my family last weekend. He loved Phoenix but was off to see the world. He said he would never be happy just living in one place. He said he could see why I loved Flagstaff and could see me being a mom and a teacher and just loving every minute of that. Although it wouldn’t be until months later that we actually broke up, at the time, I think that was the foreshadowing.. that was the chink in the armor of our relationship. He had been my very best friend for years. He had been my inspiration and confident. I thought I would curl up and die when we said goodbye for the last time. We both cried that last day we saw each other and finally ended what needed to be ended.

When someone is that ingrained in your heart, it doesn’t seem as though you ever forget them. I lost an incredible amount of weight after our break up. I got in really good shape excessively working out to get out my anger. I went on a streak of dating several guys – none I could feel anything about – because my heart was so scarred. (I looked really good I might add but somehow haven’t ever found a way to look like that again… given how I got there… that might be a good thing!)

Any relationship after that became part of my goal checklist. It wasn’t really about love. It was about fun, laughter, etc but it was also about auditioning husbands. I wasn’t going to get left again like that. I wasn’t going to be old and not married and never have kids. I lived in fear of being alone.

Funny thing is… Dave kind of happened into my life that same way the drummer had years before. I wasn’t planning to date him. In fact, I was involved with someone else at the time who was very much on my goal checklist. Dave captured my heart and I saw in his eyes something I hadn’t seen in anyone else’s other than that silly guy years earlier. I have written lots about him and our marriage and our kids in my blog so I won’t digress now – you all you read my blog know how much I love him (and he knows too).

But… that life thing. That moment on the Peaks years ago all came flooding back to me with a simple email I got earlier in the week. The subject line read “What the FUCK!” Sorry for the profanity. I have to laugh – I don’t think I have ever gotten an email with that subject line before. Anyway… we had a short chat after that on gmail that went something like this:

K: pinches you to see if it is REALLY the Bryan I used to know, lol
B: yes it is ms kim, What up??!!!
K: how are you ?? πŸ™‚ so you are with the foo fighters? are you hot shit now… OR WHAT? (well warming up for them i mean)
B: i’m actually sitting under the stage (in my dressing room) there are playing there last two songs
K: nice! you suck
B: i walked off stage- took a hot shower-had a massage- another shower-dinner – now drinking
K: your life… is so… difficult πŸ˜›
B: this tour is fun – most suck
K: so are you touring with bluebird?
B: nope a band called year long disaster
K: oh god -what a name LOL is that your band too?
B: there drummer is in third eye blind?? he’s in japan
K: i love third eye blind πŸ˜‰
B: it’s a favor
K: nice!
B: i wish you could see where i’m at – dave just walked off stage – im online – 15,0000 peps screaming while we’re talking
K: i would love to!! but my RL is so crazy now though Bryan πŸ˜‰ we have 4 kids
B: of course you do – i knew you would
K: πŸ˜›
B: that’s great!!!!! lol I don’t wanna be sitting in dave g’s dressing room when he walks off stage – i think i godda go
B: time to do shots party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to share. I just felt like this was a rare glimpse into a life and experience I had longed for so much years ago when my heart was breaking. And yet, now, it feels so foreign, so far away, so remote from what my day to day existence is. And, I am so happy to have my husband and kids and career. It is challenging, it is safe, it brings me joy. I know his life brings him joy too, and challenges him. It is so incredible to be happy for someone like that… someone who broke my heart into a million pieces but is successful now and doing what he loves.

Each day…little and big decisions carry us to the place we are today. It goes back to that glass half full thing. It also goes back to the fact that even though things are sometimes super hard and you can’t see the forest from the trees if you just keep walking, and keep praying, and keep on keeping on, the master plan of what is supposed to unfold for your life on this planet will happen. Blessings abound in ways we can’t even imagine.

Talking to my drummer… he will always be my drummer even though that was years ago… made me so thankful for the things he taught me back then and the paths we have each lead since.

Cheers to forks in the road, paths less traveled and foreign ways of life so different from our own. Old? Maybe I am getting old… but it is a good kinda old. The old that makes my heart feel happy and complete… satisfied and full.. and thankful for that full crazy crew that is my day to day life in 2008. BUT either way I am no longer that broken and sad college girl without dreams from so long ago.

Cheers B! And cheers to dreams that sometimes don’t come true and all the great things you have going on in your crazy rock n roll life, B!

My mom has this very cool ability on her mac-book to create these scrapbook like photo pages with text. I did this to accompany a whole collage of photos from our fishing expedition. It was just a fishing expedition for small pond fish – but it was fun.

Here is the scoop I sent to some family and friends. I thought it would be worth saving in my blog as well πŸ™‚

So is it hard to imagine what this family does when they are removed from the brutal desert heat and stripped of all technology? Broken blackberry, no Internet, PS2 and SecondLife are worlds away…

With the help of Grandpa John and Grandpa Catherine, we made it through the first afternoon without a even a twitch. Noah easily earned the trophy for most fish caught – and not just sunfish, but tiny blue gill too. Simon earned the prize for noisiest fisherman. If he could have scared them out of the pond, we wouldn’t have had enough nets ready. Zachary earned the prize for the farthest casting. That kid is ready for bigger lakes or streams, most definitely… maybe he is a fly fisherman in the making…

And Rachel you ask? Armed with her Disney Princess fishing rod and Barbie life jacket she asked that NO ONE tell she touched worms… and kinda liked it. She named the worms and chastised Noah for feeding Sarah to one of his 7 catches. Fortunately Cindy and Alexis were still safe in the plastic bait containers. She enjoyed touching the fish and examining her catch too. Impressive eh?

I think ultimately the trick to vacations is leaving before you can’t stand it and have to go home. Tonight when we leave to go back to the Valley it will feel like it is too soon. The air is so clean. The monsoon rainshowers intermittently throughout the day and night are beyond refreshing. The views of the 10,000+ feet peaks are spectacular. But… it will be good to be home too.

OHHHH AND my favorite new store ever? Life is Good! Now… does that surprise you in any way? LOL… Stop by their website and see how cool their stuff is if you don’t have one near you. Dare I even mention they have a “Half Full” t-shirt?

So… cleaning up the clutter never gets dull. Hard to anticipate what kind of gem you’ll find sifting through papers, preschool art, old math homework, and bills. Would you ever imagine I find the meaning of life? NO WONDER I have been so full of question, constantly unsatisfied and stressed!

According to the British Medical Journal, the citizens of Denmark are happier than their European counterparts, even though they rate high for the kind of factors typically affiliated with a LOW happiness rank, like bad weather, bad food, and high alcohol consumption. What’s their secret? Low expectations.

So… I’m going to chew on that for a while. I have a workshop this afternoon. I work from home this morning. I’m getting my kids ready to head out of town early with my dad. I have to clean the house. Maybe I just need to shrug it off and just show up? I am not sure I know how to interpret this. I am not sure I am even wired genetically to have low expectations – but dammit – if THAT is the secret to happiness I am all for it!

One other random thought… do you think players on World of Warcraft worry as much as SL Residents about leaving the game forever? Just an early morning thing to ponder while you plan your day with low expectations. WAIT… cancel cancel… you don’t plan your day if you have low expectations… DO you? I’m new to this… I need some help! LOL!

Happy Friday everyone!

One thing I will never understand is why people would look to something good, look to something that is successful, and instead of trying to facilitate further success by collaboration, insist on destroying the good and success. Ego is a really horrible thing. Ego that is centered on a bloated sense of self-importance can’t be an element that encourages long term success. I suppose it is a piggyback on my thoughts yesterday from the “I” in the word TEAM. People like this may see themselves as team players – they might even refer to themselves as such – when really they are power hungry ogres.

I sat in today for my boss on a conference call with some of these people. I am reminded of the work pain and agony we went through a year ago – and have been working through ever since. It was a good experience for me in that it allowed me to see our business practices through her eyes. I have been frustrated many times by her instant rage and for once, today, saw how challenging it has been for her, as our leader, to deal with those power hungry ogres outside our organzation. I have been allowed the luxury to move forward – focus on new challenges, and immerse myself in the culture that is the larger organization I am so excited to be a part of.

The people on this call today are people I used to deal with some weeks on a daily basis. I saw them previously as allies in my work with educators and technology. Granted, the lense that I view them with has been colored, fogged, even cracked, because they chose to remove us from the team and do it without us. I suppose it is indictative of education – you always feel as an educator you can build a bigger, better wheel from the ground up. And, coming now from a non-profit business world I realize there is much we can learn from those who came before us – and those working on the wheel as we speak – WHY build it all from scratch.

Some people seem to see power and title and self-importance as the ultimate means to an end. Those people are so deluded. The real way to bring about change and make a difference in the world around us is to build up others around you, foster the seeds of good ideas, recognize the value that was there before you, and collaborate to make things even better. The days of the Roman and British empires conquering the world are antiquated. 21st century thoughts and skills require us to collaborate, acknowledge differences, and build on the power of the collective. Why is it that these people, these so-called leaders don’t see that value in the latter?

Its hard to be a Pollyanna when you are reconfronted with the arrogance of those in leadership roles. It is infuriating. It is difficult to decide whether to contribute and try to bring about change – even if small – amongst people who decided you were of no value – or to simply move on.

Still looking for that “I” in TEAM. Maybe it is something related to the terms in cyberspace – like iTeam πŸ˜‰ OR maybe it still had no place and as a Pollyanna it is time to move on… and spread those cheerful good ideas and work-your-fingers-to-the bone-for-a-good-cause kinda effort on to places that value it.