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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

“it's what lies within that really matters”

August 4, 2008 Nail Biting and Other Things the Night Before School Starts

I took a long nap this afternoon. I have had a never ending series of headaches this week. Physically. Some emotionally too I suppose. As I woke up, I was taken back to 6 years ago when I was required to stay in bed. I spent 6 weeks in bed 6 years ago. I was very pregnant with twins and it was the best way I could rely on keeping them safe from premature birth in the final weeks of my pregnancy.

During that time, I read. I read ALOT. I didn’t read fiction. Having taught English for many years before I was a bit burned out on fictional reads. I soaked up parenting books. I consumed as much as I could about twins. I was still amazed that I could be carrying twins and even more fascinated by what it would mean for our future as a family. I had been so incredibly desperate to have one more baby. I wanted a girl. But, more than wanting a girl, I wanted just one more. I wasn’t ready to say no more kids… just yet. Well, you must be careful for what you wish for. Simon and Rachel were my answered prayers.

Each day of those final 6 weeks was a challenge. I was incredibly uncomfortable. Super excited. Beyond scared of what delivery day and beyond would bring. I had a fantastic doctor that I wouldn’t trade for the world. We had a fantastic support system of family and friends. Honestly, I think we ate better in those final 6 weeks than we have our whole marriage, up until this day! Wow! Gotta love those good friends who felt the need to cook for us. MMmmmmmmm. But I digress.

During those final pre-twin era days in our lives, I spent a lot of time with our then youngest, Noah. Noah was a fantastic foot massager and belly rubber (still is in the foot department btw). Noah was 5 at the time and finishing up preschool. He was and is our family politician. He and I talked a lot about how someday, he would be the one to take the twins to school on their first day of kindergarten. He loved every idea of being a big brother and loved the fact that he would get to take on that challenge of teaching them the ropes he didn’t even know yet. That’s our Noah. He jumps into the unknown with both feet. He might freak a little in the process but he jumps anyway.

So… all those years later… here we are. When I take it all in day to day in my mind, rewinding, I am in awe of the fact we made it. Man… nobody could ever know how many diaper changes, how many bottles, how many firsts we would experience with these two little souls that would feel like incredible hurdles because despite the fact we were raising two others and had been through all those stages and phases of babies and toddlers… having double trouble made it all new. We survived paying for a wonderful babysitter who we love to this day (yea lizz!!) and we survived Simon’s freak out goodbyes at preschools – both years, and we survived paying for preschool (barely).

Tomorrow, I will take them to the busstop. Noah, Simon and Rachel all with their backpacks and lunchboxes. They are going to ride the bus from day one. They are all ready to go to their own classrooms. They are going to experience… we are all going to experience that day Noah and I had thought through in such detail years before from that safe place in my bed. Zach is off to his 2nd year of middle school. He always does amazing things and walks into each new year appearing fearless. I’m going to take a lesson from him tomorrow and send my youngest 3 off with that same fearless excitement.

End of an era. Start of a new one. Sigh. Deep breaths. Internal half full half full mantra will be in full swing. Blessings on each of them.