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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

Monthly Archives: September 2008


No matter how dark it gets… the sun always comes up eventually.  The clouds part and the rain dries up.  The air feels a little cleaner.  Everything seems a little brighter.  Washing away all the dust and dirt…  it can be a good thing.

Focus on what matters.  Tell those you love that you love them.  If you open your mouth to whine… hopefully it is simply to take a sip… of WINE… not the other.  Life is too short.  For all those thinking unkind things… I wish you nothing less than a cancel cancel and all the best to you.

Friendly Fire couldn’t sing it any better!  Stop by and sing a few verses with them.  It applies! It really really does!



Case & Mack... rockin the house!

Case & Mack... rockin the house!

I’m embarking on a new RL challenge that has been serendipitous. I always love that – when you get the exact tool you need – unexpectedly. The new challenge is joining a Children’s Challenge Speakers Bureau for the United Way here in Arizona. It is something I will volunteer for – but something that can be done in conjunction with the other things I do for my job. Yes… one more plate to spin, one more ball to juggle, but… I felt like I have been blessed with the ability to speak to groups – and I have been more than blessed with healthy happy kids and I needed to speak out on behalf of those kids who struggle with just getting their basic needs met.

So… this speakers thing required 2 days of training. I met an amazing woman through the course of the training that I hope I will continue to build new professional bridges with. We both agreed there was a lot of potential. Her mantra was embedded heavily in the 3 days.

Affection ~ Inclusion ~ Control

She shared this with us because it is how she builds rapport with her audiences when she speaks.  She shared then numerous examples with us of how it can apply to day to day life – it could solve problems with 3 and 5 year olds, and it could solve problems with whole countries.  A very simple strategy – and one that I will try my best to practice.


  1. Show Affection.  Tell people you care about them.  Smile.  Make eye contact.  Use body language that shows affection (not lovey-dovey – but accepting).
  2. Remember Inclusion.  Allow everyone to be involved.  Allow everyone to offer their thoughts.  Solicit opinions.  Listen to those opinions.  Include all in the necessary dialogue.
  3. Share Control.  Remember that in compromise control can be shared.  You can still achieve your goal, while acknowledging the needs and concerns of others, and allowing them to have control as well.

To make it a little more concrete I’ll share my example from an interaction with my 5 year old son.  Mornings at our house are a little crazy.  It is a race.  It is an adrenaline producing experience.  It definitely makes just the rush from caffeine seem mild 🙂  to say the least.  Anyway – Dave always does a great job in setting out the clothes for the kids so that by the time they get up – it is a no brainer – grab your clothes and put them on… move on to the next task.  

So… one morning this week after hearing this strategy… I had an incident cross my path immediately to practice.  Simon decided he preferred to wear some older shorts/overalls that were his favorite as a 3 and 4 year old.  Yes, they are cute. They were my favorite too.  They were designed to be baggy.  They were in the pile of clothes to donate to Goodwill.  In a squeeze, yes, unfortunately, they still “kinda” fit Simon 🙂  Simon decided THOSE were what he was going to wear. He needs help undoing the buckles to use the restroom – so I knew they really weren’t an option.

Simon was very upset about not being able to wear these overalls to school.  He was in tears and very angry.  I held him and talked quietly about how much I loved those overalls too.  We both agreed they were our favorite.  (hint: affection)

Then, Simon and I talked about some alternatives.  I agreed to not put them in the Goodwill pile and we brainstormed some times when he could wear them (at home, on the weekend,  even to sleep in if he wanted! LOL).  (hint: inclusion)

He agreed to wear his other shorts and decided he would put the overalls on as soon as he got home.  He was still sad but agreeable – and far from the headstrong temper tantrum mental state he had been in when we began  (hint: control).

NOW… mind you… this all took place in probably less than 5 minutes.  This was in no way a Dr. Phil show length activity.  Less than 5 minutes and we both felt good about the outcome.

Maybe we need to pass those 3 little words on in big and small ways to those around us, and to unexpected strangers that cross our path and may need a dose of that as well?


the little guy I love so much

the little guy I love so much

By the way – once you take notice of this strategy – you will see it everywhere – non-examples abound – and you will see opportunities to put it to work yourself if you are brave enough to try 🙂

An important note to include I almost forgot…  One of the things this facilitator shared is that in the absence of this strategy – in the absence of affection – inclusion – control, passive- agreessive and downright defiance will always prevail.  

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Thought you might enjoy this 🙂 Couldn’t resist sharing.


The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills – overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk’s gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don’t kick it.
I promise I’ll fix it
Long about a million other things

Well, it’s ok. It’s so nice
It’s just another day in paradise
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Well, it’s two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Friday, you’re late
Guess we’ll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we’ll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes’ pizza in the candle light
Then we’ll tippy toe to our room
Make a little love that’s overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can me and my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it’s ok. It’s so nice.
It’s just another day in paradise.
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Well, it’s two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Well, it’s ok. It’s so nice.
It’s just another day in paradise.
Well, there’s no place that
I’d rather be
Two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise

For just another day in paradise
Well, it’s the kids screaming. The phone ringing
Just another day
Well, it’s Friday. You’re late
Oh yeah, it’s just another day in paradise

~Phil Vassar, Just Another Day In Paradise

If everyone can make it out the door, combed hair, nice clothes (picture day today for 3 of 4) and make the bus on time… and Dave make 1st hour… life is good, right? My youngest 3 waved happily as they climbed on the bus. My oldest said don’t worry mom, today will be a good Monday and shooed me away from the busstop. The ENT told me it must just be my blonde hair making me dizzy. So…We are off and running! Cheers to the first day of Fall and imagined cooler temperatures in Phoenix. Cheers to cancelled meetings and more time to get work done. It is ANOTHER DAY in paradise 🙂 Half-full baby!

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I opened my email today while talking to my mom and getting the full scoop on day 1 of Flagstaff’s Open Studios. It was a really busy day with well over 100 visitors and art admirers (well I suppose they would all be admirers, right?) stopping by. With over 70 framed prints and originals, matted wrapped prints and small originals in a bin, and loose and packaged cards for sale, my parents’ small condominium was transformed into a storefront.

Summer Blanket at the Peaks

Summer Blanket at the Peaks

I shared with her that I had made a bold move and blogged about her work yesterday. I only thought that was fair because I linked to her site and figured eventually google would give me away 🙂 Always best to turn yourself in first, right? Also, my “imaginary Second Life and blogger friend” Parker Janick had taken the time to really explore her website and became inspired in what she found. She is a RL author you know, but I have not disclosed her RL name until I get her permission.

Through Waters Eyes
Taking a step
I walk through
Soft music lulling,
Gliding me
Entwining with color
Bright, happy, sweet
A gallery of
Magic, beauty, love
Butterflies and paper-whites
From mountain, field, stream
Drawling me further
Into a watercolor world.

September 21, 2008
~ Parker Janick

My mom doesn’t have internet at this time at the condo, nor does she have time today to read email or blogs. She is in day 2 of Open Studios and the 2nd day/final day of an event is always harder than the first – you are a little more tired, and a little more anxious that the event meets your expectations. She was, however, totally flattered that someone would take the time to explore her site and be so inspired as to write a poem about it. Parker’s words were “well, it isn’t Browning…” but either way… how often do you find poetry written about you!?!?!

My mom has had some amazing additional interactions with her art admirers that she will be sharing in an upcoming e-newsletter. I am prodding her too to build a web storefront so she can sell her work online, as well as in all the physical locations she currently now works so hard to contribute to – galleries, spas, restaurants, etc. I also think there is quite a world beyond the art loving community in Arizona and know you all can help me in spreading the word of her talent.

Perry Mesa Shards

Perry Mesa Shards


Burden Basket Carriers

Burden Basket Carriers

Who KNOWS! Maybe I’ll even talk her into being a featured SL artist at the Bistro Olive 🙂 I can’t really imagine her at a virtual artist opening – but it might be possible. Her favorite CD these days is the Mamma Mia Soundtrack. I know I could get at least Blissie and Bradley to attend, if we featured those showtunes, right? I know she’ll be reading this at some point, so I hope she laughs at that thought and knows I can explain more about the Bistro and all Dave and I have been up to for months in our Second Lives… I think she might have to sit down though, because it might blow her mind to realize we’ve been managing a fine dining, art gallery, musical event locale since late summer 🙂 (Shameless unrelated to mom’s art plug – come by the Bistro and see the in-world photography work from Flatkin’s Studio – the talents of Eliza Flanagan & Timber Watkins!)

Cheers to doing what you love and loving what you do! I am back to my online coursewriting homework and then will reward myself with some Second Life in a while.

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Ok… I am not talking about You Tube and I apologize for my moment of weakness yesterday – I just couldn’t resist. I’ll do more of a quality post today. Today is a big day for my mom and I want to share it with you.

Some of you might know my mom is a watercolor artist. I have brought her work in-world when we first opened the Bistro – but then stored it away thinking better of it without her copyright permission. Anyway… my mom did oil painting for years, knows how to do every craft and sewing project imaginable, but never pursued a career in art until close to retirement from her career as a nurse.

She has been working hard at her watercolor career for the past 7 years. In the past 3 she has really committed herself to it full time. She has my Aunt to help her with inventory organization and occasional events. She has my dad to do her matting and framing. She has worked with a local company for years now on her website and Giclée prints. She herself though does all the work to network with galleries, with artist organizations and explore new ventures. This weekend will be her fourth Open Studios experience in Flagstaff! Go MOM!

Butterfly Medley

Butterfly Medley

She just finished a month-long show at a local cafe in Flagstaff where she celebrated her 5th August show! On the heels of that, she is spending the whole weekend hosting strangers in her studio and showcasing over 90 paintings and prints and cards. Next month she will collaborate in a show at a local jewelry store and gallery.

Arizona Columbine

Arizona Columbine

Congratulations Mom! Good luck this weekend! I owe you a chia tea for all your hard work – and much much more 🙂 I’m just so proud of you and all you have made come true!

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