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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

I used to have a mentor that talked quite a bit with the kids we worked with about being comfortable in your own skin.  Are you?  He would say.  He was super convincing to the kids but most of the time it would leave me scratching my head wondering if he was comfortable in his own skin.

As I drove in this morning, for some reason, my commute took me to those thoughts and words.  It seems like these days our whole country is having trouble being comfortable in our skin.  Politics and arguing about who has the best ideas and what is the real solution can be a good diversion – but when it gets right down to it – that question keeps coming to mind.  Am I comfortable in my own skin?

Silly thought I know.  In SL if you don’t like the skin you’re in, you simply go buy a new one.  In RL if you have enough money I suppose, you can change the skin you have in multiple ways.  BUT, the bottom line is… it doesn’t change who you are on the inside.  How comfortable is that thing inside the skin?  That blob… toned or not.. that lives inside.  The heart, the brain with all those thoughts rattling around, the stomach that may be all twisted up from stress…  

These days I’m not that happy in my own skin.  I have trouble finding something to wear that I feel good in.  I’m not that satisfied with my hair, or my makeup.  I’m kinda tired of my shoes.  Wearing summer clothes day in and day out gets to be a drag.  I could blame it on every external force I can think of… but… I go back to that question.  And.. honestly, I’m not happy in my own skin.  I’m tired.  My spirit is tired.  Perky and half full day in and day out is hard.  You have to be able to maintain positive self talk, prayer and surround yourself with people who don’t drain you dry.  To be half full, sometimes you need someone to give you some of what you need.  Rephrase that – to be half full, sometimes I need to ask for someone to give me what I need.  

Relationships are a two way street.  Relatives are relationships that we don’t have much choice about.  Friendships and colleagues we have a choice.  Whining and preaching does not make a friendship.  Hugs and tears and laughter and being there for good and bad and loving that other person, and putting their needs above your own… those seem to be the recipe ingredients for a relationship.  It is a dance. It is a balance.  Right now I’m feeling very out of balance.  

My professional life has continued to become more and more challenging – in both good and bad ways.  My family and my children also become more and more challenging -and I love them with all my heart but man are they exhausting.  All but just a few of my friends are fair weather.  I think of Blissie cleaning up her friends list when she hasn’t heard from people in 2 weeks and I am starting to see the validity.

I have a core group of friends who I know will always be there and I love them for that.  But it is in times like these, when I am trying to get comfortable in my own skin, that I really take inventory.  I’m tired and ready to retreat a bit.  The cheery run from event to event Kimala is ready for a vacation.  I haven’t quite figured out the exact plan yet – but I’m going to just let it all sit for a while and settle and see if the solution finds me.

Everything happens for a reason.  Half full or not I need to be comfortable in my own skin.  I am not a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good employee, without that comfort.  Loss can be a good reason to re-evaluate -and professionally my last 2 weeks have been filled with loss.  I’m leaning into change the best I can.  I’m going to need to find a place though to fill up.  Cheers to mixing metaphors and it being almost Friday.

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