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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

I woke up abruptly this morning with my head swimming in dreamy nightmare images. When I took time to really wake up I was left with the same unsettling feeling. The incident that happened to me yesterday at work lingers. I’m going to really make a concerted effort to work through it and move past it. I don’t want to brush it off as if it was nothing. If I do, I could be fine or exactly of the opposite.

There is something very crushing about the loss of innocence. I have to think of it in this way and I think that is the right way to view it. I tend to live in a pollyanna world and think the best and push everyday fears away with faith, prayers, and not allowing my head to be filled with all the what-if’s that could live there. But there are those experiences in life that try to take us to that place. They are just terrifying enough (maybe too strong of a word) to make us reconsider the way we thought things were before.

Yesterday I had a gentleman enter my office very unassuming to ask me about who he should talk to about being on the air at our television station. He was extremely adament he was related to the Royal family dating back his lineage to the 1800’s when his great-great-great grandmother (is that enough greats?) came over from England, separating or being exiled from the current monarchy at the time. He rattled off name after name and as he was doing so, I was trying to explain to him that I worked with educators, with teachers, and that I had nothing to do with filming and production. He tried several times to sit down in a chair in my office, and was even polite enough to ask if he could. I explained that no, he really couldn’t, as I was getting ready for a conference call at 2 pm. He did note though that it was 2:15 already. I shared I thought they would be calling any minute. He babbled on and on – at the point the conversation became extremely one-sided and the names flowed quite easily from his memory. It was at this point my intuition told me things really weren’t right. I had felt surprised and caught off guard when he first came in, but the uh oh gut feelings kicked up as he talked faster and then connected his Royal family connections to some people that settled in Kentucky.

By 2:20, I was looking for how I could contact my colleague in the next office. I knew she was at her desk and thought of emailing her for help. Then, I thought of taking him toward our storage near the main entry door and handing him a station magazine that talks about the monarchy. Finally, I settled on the strategy of directing him upstairs to where the production area eventually will be and now is just marketing and development. They, however, have an extremely secure environment on that floor – everything is locked and you can only speak to a receptionist through glass. It was the strategy I settled on and I directed him up to the next floor. As I graciously made sure he found his way out of our offices, I ran into the next door office and enlisted the help of my colleague to warn upstairs, lock our doors, and call the police.

I can see this story had gotten too long. The bottom line in all of it is that it ended fine. No one was hurt. If the man had a weapon he never showed it. The fact that we learned later he had spent days at our other offices on the other side of the Valley also asking to be put on the air solidified the uneasy feelings I had about him. It really was that the innocence and excitement of our new place, the false security of our new offices, was to be no longer. My mind played tricks on me last night, and I awoke from nightmares with much different endings to this story. I suppose I need to listen to those feelings and thoughts deep in my psychie and realize that knowledge is power, experience can become knowledge… and I will be safer and more conscious of my surroundings now – even inside my own little set of offices that seemed so shiny new and secure.

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