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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

berries
I’ve thought alot about this post over the past few days. Originally I thought I would write something like this on Valentines… but… the day got carried away with all the events at the Bistro and the RL hugs and kisses of the holiday that I didn’t find my way here until now. I suppose it is cliche anyway and this is more that just a one time holiday feeling.

Who do you hold in your heart? I remember crying and crying one summer after a camp experience that I had dearly loved, 8th grade I think it was, and missing those newfound friends so much my heart ached. My dad held me and told me that even though people leave our lives we never escape the things they put in our hearts. I love my Dad. Is that the right thing to say, or what? So true.

Another time, in college, the boy who had captured my heart for 3 years in big and small ways, ended our romance. It was the most difficult summer I ever spent at home and my last. I hardly ate after that. I just couldn’t. I wanted to just sleep – but I couldn’t. Thank God for summer jobs because it gave me a purpose and a distraction. I had given him everything – every piece of me – and at that young age, I had myself romantically believing that giving those pieces of yourself meant forever. Again, I remember my dad saying something about how things happen for a reason. God has other plans. My broken heart felt like it would never mend.

Another I held closely in my heart was a good friend. He and I were almost inseparable in college – both away from home for the first time. He expected me to jump ship after that heartache and fall into his arms. I just couldn’t do it. I broke his heart in the process. I lost one of my closest friends, and my partner in crime for late night silliness that only college can bring.

There was a string of unattainable challenges. Those seemed to remedy my heart ache and yet cause more on some level. The cute boy who rode mountain bikes and worked as a ski instructor. The older guy who made me laugh till I would shoot soda out of my nose and humiliate me with loud noises and hilarious comments on the sidewalk outside my college office job. There was the small town, very athletic guy who taught with me as a new teacher but was more in love with an old girlfriend then he ever would be with me. There was the guy who was the basketball coach who loved basketball and his new truck more than settling down.

And then, there was Dave. By the time he had snuck into my life, my heart was full. Not jaded. But definitely wiser. My pollyanna romantic side though longed for fantasy. Long walks after our school day through the forest near where we lived. Beautiful notes sent to me secretly in school as if we were students not the teachers. A few matchmaker team teaching partners who helped spin me into a frenzy and a very special New Year’s Eve trip to Santa Barbara and Disneyland. A wish at the Sleeping Beauty Castle wishing well and here I am still feeling a rush of romantic feelings as I bring it all back in my memory. Those brown eyes I fell in love with over a hamburger one night at a local restaurant after a walk. Still the same eyes. I checked. I looked deeply into them the other night just to make sure 🙂

There are others I have fallen in love with. Each one of my babies. Of course I have to remind myself of that as they turn into mouthy, surly teens. The many friends and colleagues I have known in first and second lives. Think about those you have let into your heart and those you might have shut out… maybe reconsider. Why wouldn’t you want both lives to be as full as possible with all things that are so good and so warming for your soul!

Life is short. I am reminded of that every day. Tell those you love, that you love them. Why hold back? Why save on words? The more you make yourself vulnerable to someone, hopefully, that vulnerability will be reflected and returned ten fold.

And keep those who have touched your heart close and tucked away. Rainy days do happen. After the heartache ends, focus on the warmth that love brought. Then, if fate allows them to wander through your life again, your heart will be that much more open to loving them all over again.

Matters of the heart seem to get so complicated. And yet, they should be so simple. Start by saying yes. Start with 3 simple words. Don’t let the moment slip away.

Laughing Buddha: Even offering three hundred bowls of food three times a day does not match the spiritual merit gained in one moment of love.

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