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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

Sometimes I get very caught up in the here and now… the never ending list of things to do and the piles of life that need my most urgent attention… and I forget to view the here and now as a stepping stone to what is next.

Lately… when I have had a morning to sleep in… I have forced myself to do so. I am so fortunate to have a husband who lets me and I roll over, cover my head and let the birds sing good morning to someone else. I have felt like the morning came too early and I felt like getting out of bed was just too much to expect. My house, my kids, my job, my RL and SL… it just all felt overwhelming. I felt empty and sad. Depressed from the news day in and day out about life going from bad to worse, depressed from news of my mom finding a new kind of cancer on her body, depressed from updates of my youngest’s teacher about school progress… I could go on…but then I would depress you!

My half full… had a leak I think. I’ve neglected my blog because I wasn’t feeling very resilient. My positivity had done nothing to save a friend’s marriage… to help some stay employed… to keep people cancer free… to help people understand that being a friend means more than just a token place in a profile… I have been reminded over and over that mean people come disguised and on soft tip toes into your life and if you aren’t careful… they will suck things from you – but ONLY as long as you let them have that power. The last few months I have made the mistake of giving some power they didn’t warrant or deserve.

I heard a message this a.m. Very loud. Very clear. I can wander in the desert for days, weeks, months, years. I can choose to ignore the flowers that bloom and the rains that turn the desert a brilliant green. OR I can open my eyes. I can see things for how they are. I can slip on my rose colored glasses that are dusty from storage and return to my view of the world that helps me add one or two more things to my plate and soak up all the good stuff life has to offer.

I choose that. I choose the glasses. I choose the cup that is half full. I choose to pick the flowers and carry them in my hand and smell their sweet smell for the moment. I have faith to know there will be more flowers and more to fill my cup.

Springtime at Cabeza Prieta by Catherine Sickafoose

Springtime at Cabeza Prieta by Catherine Sickafoose

My husband pretends to drink Hate-er-ade but I know that isn’t true and I thank him for sticking with me through this period of gray half-emptiness. Pulling the weeds so we can enjoy the flowers… cleaning the carpet so we can remember how much we appreciate having some to walk on. Enjoying a few days of vacation AFTER a furlough day because I have earned it, not because I was mandated to take it. Soaking up the springtime AZ sun in the most beautiful time of year in Phoenix. Deciding that sometimes when you aren’t sure where to start you just have to start somewhere. I’m starting today. I’m making a promise to return to my half-full self. It feels good to take the first few steps in that direction. Pour yourself a cup. Pick a few flowers. Choose something nice to say and feel free to join me. My life is too short for anything else.

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