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reSLience… a.k.a. resilience

it's what lies within that really matters

Monthly Archives: April 2009

I know I have bombarded you with quotes from junk mail recently… but sometimes that junk mail is what I find the best nuggets in – and they make for the best diversion. Prove me wrong 🙂 Take a moment to read with me…


Is there ever any wonder why we look to the sky ?

Is there ever any wonder why we look to the sky ? by Jøãø Mär¢øs



Every morning, afternoon and night, take a 30-second break to look at the sky, breathe deeply and offer thanks.

Even though the world has its problems, the sun still rises in the sky each morning, and we’re awake and alive when we get out of bed. Let the sky be a touchstone to hope. Think of other people around the world as you look at the sky, and know that we all share this planet together. Among all of us, we have the ability to create solutions to the problems that now exist.

Trust that this is so.
~ 8 Ways to Increase Hope,

So I thought I might take a quick moment in my glimpse at the sky to think and record 8 things I am thankful for that bring me joy (in no particular order):

  1. the smile on my little girl’s face and the sweet way she slips her hand into mine when we walk somewhere together – even within our own house
  2. the tilt of my youngest son’s head when I tell him I want to give him a kiss – he likes me to kiss the top of his head
  3. the silly coo-ing howl of our dog who spends way too much time in the backyard with birds who share her dogfood
  4. my oldest son’s height and sense of humor – I love watching him become a man – and enjoy the parts of him that are still very much a little boy
  5. my middle son’s confidence around others – and his habit of always saying blessings on each one of us when we start off for our day – no matter what chaos ensued prior to getting out to the driveway
  6. my husband’s crazy sense of humor, love of great music he shares with our kids, and exceptional shopping taste for women’s lingerie (I hate shopping for that kinda stuff)
  7. jobs – first life, second life – that give us a sense of purpose, help us to be of value to others and see ways for us to connect our talents with larger efforts, and most importantly help pay the bills
  8. friends – real and imagined 🙂 – who carry me when I’m down, lift me up when I need it, keep me grounded in reality and most of all help me lighten up and laugh.  smiles and laughter can cure all – I am just sure of it!
  9. imagination – mine and those I choose to surround myself with – I love imagining what is possible, dreaming big and then figuring out ways to make it all happen.

OOPS!  #9 was a bonus I guess…

Back to work 🙂  I do hope though… you’ll take some time to gaze up at the sky where you are today and think about the others you know and love doing the same… I bet you have at least 8 things you are thankful for as well.


If you wonder about something… it is always best to assume yes. most often your gut feeling was correct. SL is all about finding role models you admire. It is most definitely junior high revisited and when you take the time to examine why… it is because where else in life do you make and keep lists of people you like and people you don’t? I heard a guy on the radio the other day talk about social networking – and he too felt like it was junior highish – because putting yourself out there – faults and bumps and all – is all that. Ironically – some of us insist on going back for a second helping… aka experiencing Second Life.

I suppose the key to navigating our way through it all is to figure out how to best handle it. We don’t have zits and parents on our case any more. We have plenty of other things I’m sure – but in most situations, our brains are now fully developed and capable of self-actualization. So… where does one look for best next steps?

    Psychology Today?

• Learn to be brave. If you feel that you are easily intimidated into backing down, write down your feelings and give your writing to the other person.

• Don’t make blaming statements. Conflict resolution begins with the understanding that truth is relative. So much depends on one’s perspective, and none of us has a lock on the whole picture of anything. Nevertheless, most people start with exactly the most destructive question: Who is right and who is wrong. Two people spend time trying to convince the other of the rightness of his or her own position. But in fact, most disagreements are based on interpretations that come directly from private experiences in life, not some verifiable Truth. The single best way to resolve conflict is to listen to the other party. Most people just want to be heard; it is a basic form of validation. And often the solution suggests itself from what is spoken.

• Allow your partner to express his or her grievances. This is a good thing, because otherwise these feelings build walls between people.

• Take responsibility for your part in creating problems. Ask yourself: How did my actions and the things I’ve said or failed to say helped to create this situation or crisis?

• It’s the final step that people most commonly fall short on—accepting responsibility for making things better. “You need to seek out what will make the situation better in the future so this situation doesn’t arise again,” observes Raphael. “Further, you need to tell the other person, ‘this is what I need from you now to make things better.’ You need to take responsibility for what will fix it now. Is it merely listening? Is it an apology? Most people miss this piece.”

    Consider an authentic middle school approach 🙂

John The Kid Who Gets Everyday Pleasantries Wrong Kid!

John The Kid Who Gets Everyday Pleasantries Wrong Kid!

    And then… there is WILLA’s Way!

Hooo! Ask yourself… what would Willa do? And most likely it involves firearms and a whole lotta fun! Go Willa go!

Sometimes fire can be cleansing?

Sometimes fire can be cleansing?

some really good advice from a friend today…

it’s okay if you feel bad right now but recognize a lot of why you feel bad is your own pain…the people affected at least know it and can move on to what’s next. We are all left to wonder and also have to pick up the slack. If you’re feeling really sad…there are reasons and you have your own reasons…it’s not just about the colleagues that aren’t here today. So take some time for yourselves but come back ready to do your best…and know that if you give in to the anger and fear you only hurt yourself in the long run. We’re all going to be okay

some days it is just a lot to take in… I still have a job and I just keep on keeping on… its all about resilience, isn’t it?

So this horiscope wandered into email today… is it wrong that the idea of a rebellious and independent week kind of excites me?

Today’s Outlook: This entire week may be defined by the conjunction of aggressive Mars and unorthodox Uranus that’s exact on Wednesday, indicating the likelihood of rebellious activities as we strive to demonstrate our independence from social convention. Today’s adventurous Sagittarius Moon can inspire us to think about ways to escape our humdrum routines, and quicksilver Mercury’s harsh semisquare to Mars could push us closer to our dance with the edge.

If I was to have projected the week ahead in my own making of a horiscope – from the looks of my calendar – it is really the calm before the storm. The following week builds momentum and busy-ness as work and family and birthdays await. The end of school comes with lots to do. Turning 40 makes for new and interesting thoughts. As I commute, I have begun to think about the NEXT 40 years and what all that means. Honestly… there is a lot to be excited about and 40 seems like an incredible milestone -so very different from any other up to this point that I have experienced.

Monday is quiet. Today is a day of catching up and unpacking Sesame Street plush characters that arrived at work. It is a day of a lot of planning and grant writing for things due later in the month. I feel like I am procrastinating – and yet – my wheels continue to turn. I think it is that there is no pressure of deadline looming.

So what will become out of the ordinary and rebellious this week? Hmmmmmm 🙂 Kinda sounds exciting huh? I’ll keep you posted… I had thought about getting a tattoo to celebrate turning 40… something about “Life is Good”… but for now I settled on adhering a sticker with that saying on it to the corner of my back car window. (Up until this point I have always been very anti car stickers)…. Racey? Ok not really… I’ll keep thinking 🙂

If I had money to spend… I would spend it here…undoubtedly this is the best site going. Their books, their short videos, they just make SENSE. They give the best start to one’s day. They give the best start to MY day.

See what you think. A sequel from yesterday… and you know… you CAN’T send a duck to eagle school – no matter how loud the duck quacks… really… it makes sense! And… I am all about helping everyone achieve just about anything… accommodate… but… if the duck has a mindset of only being a duck… then it is time to move on and find a new flock 🙂 … ok enough bird analogies… Take a listen 🙂

A deep thought buried within the book & video... take a minute to watch

A deep thought buried within the book & video... take a minute to watch

Whatever that means to you… I hope you take time to breathe in the Springtime air deeply, be thankful for those around you, and just enjoy. This blessing came in my email today. You know I’m always good to share the “junk” emails that find me 🙂 Cheers to all this week brings.

May You Be Blessed

May You Be Blessed

This week I had someone share a very interesting comment with me – that they were sorry they hadn’t lived up to my expectations… or something along that line. I found it quite curious as this particular situation – I had no expectations for anyone – and was even struggling to have them for myself. It sounds very odd to me to re-read that… to not have expectations… but see.. the comment was made to me in the context of Second Life.

One thing I have always appreciated about those closest to me in SL is that they have reinforced the idea with me that RL comes first. No matter how much we get wrapped up in adventures and events and fundraisers and and and… the bottom line: RL comes first. There have been times when I have been so stressed that the words… seeing them typed on my monitor back to me… were an incredible comfort and affirmation.

So… ironically… these “expectations” that I hadn’t even had seemed quite out of place this week in the conversation. Between work and bills and furlough and kids, sick kids, and a boss returning from an extended vacation, and relatives visiting in town… my expectations for SL were simply to survive and maintain. Dave and I are really fortunate that the co-owners of the Bistro live in a different time zone and have schedules that accommodate earlier and daytime events. Honestly, it has been the best part of our co-ownership. Ok… there are other parts too -but I do appreciate that.

I also appreciate the fact that my closest friends in other time zones have incredible stamina to stay up late. I love that this time of year because I become a keyboard face by 10:30 pm SLT on most occasions and love the fact they stay up with me and I’m not the first sissykeyboard face to head to bed 🙂

One thing I have learned time and time again when I have struggled with relationships in SL is to try to figure out what within me was causing my frustration. I try very hard to be reflective and introspective and never assume that I didn’t play some role in the problem. I have owned up to things – all sorts of things I didn’t even need to in order to make peace. If I can say I did my best to figure it out and I can be ok in my own skin at the end of the day, then I know… well I just know. Sometimes… some just don’t wish to resolve things. Slowly I am learning to be ok with that.

I see my friendships as an investment. Really all relationships are. I pour my heart and soul into them. I am always in awe of the people who treat relationships as something other than that. I wish I could be that way at times and care less. It would certainly save on the heartache. The people that live in glass houses and throw stones seem endless. I was reminded this week by a good friend at work that ultimately, Kim, human nature is really really horrid and self-serving at the core. I think I have found those to be the hardest struggles of all for me to comprehend and cope with – in both lives.

I’m raising 4 little people -tall but little still in my mind as the oldest is 13 – that I want to know how to compromise and apologize and take ownership. Sorry is an incredibly hard word to swallow sometimes -but even through tears and anger it can be said. If you really care about someone and still want them in your life, then sometimes you have to be ok with accepting your hurtful actions and saying sorry and then just being patient enough to wait for them to understand and forgive. This is hard in RL… but easier when you have to live in the same house. This is extra hard in SL… people only have text to work with and it is easy to ignore or close the window and wait for it to go away.

So… expectations… what are mine? I knew long long ago that a club was for fun, not for money 🙂 I’m fascinated by the ultimate challenge of balancing a spreadsheet – but at the end of the day – I log in to have fun and see people I care about – and laugh and soak up good music – and appreciate people I have come to truly love and care about that I might have never met any other way in life. I love being able to think about new things in other parts of country and the world. I had a friend just yesterday who is battling cancer and surgery in Europe tell me she survives her surgeries thinking about all the good friends she has supporting her and thinking good things and saying prayers for her… in SL as well as RL.

What are your expectations? The noobs I have begun to meet (assuming they are not alts) have come through because of all the things they have heard or seen about SL… but it isn’t the technology and the gizmos and gadgets that keep us coming back… it is the relationships. It is the people that remind us our RL is first and support us and think about us in all the challenges we face in RL… that then love us when we come in SL. Laugh, pillow fight, spank, enjoy good music, shop till you drop… and remember we all have very real hearts beating on the inside.